Life isn't fair

Remember when your parents/teachers/bosses used to tell you that? It's so true.

I'm about 99% sure that I'm not pregnant. Which is fine, because at least I know that 200mgs of Clomid is what it takes to make me ovulate, and we can try again next month. And if needed, the month after that, or the month after that.

I'm just really down right now because I started thinking about things (which always gets me into trouble)... and it's like, okay, Melanie is the crappiest person ever and yet SHE got pregnant and had a perfectly healthy baby? And what about Alicia, who was entirely unprepared to be a parent? How come they can have babies but not me, not my friends who have been trying for months or years who have stable incomes and a loving spouse? Why?

And how about adoption? Yes, a couple may be perfectly stable enough to afford a baby but to ADOPT one? Forget it! You've got to have 50 grand lying around in order to contemplate that one. Oh, and years to spare. Just to give a child a good, loving, stable home. A perfectly deserving child.

You know, people wonder why I'm Agnostic, why I can't just simply believe in God. Here's your answer. And I know some people will think, "well, God has a lesson to teach us" or something. What lesson is there to learn here? That no matter how much you try to be a good person, you'll get shit on anyways? That people struggling with their incomes or still in high school can be blessed with the one thing you want, but you can't have it? How does that make ANY sense? That's right. It doesn't.

The fact of the matter is, Life Isn't Fair. It just isn't. If there was a kind and loving and all-knowing God, wouldn't life be a little more fair? Wouldn't people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Laci Peterson still be alive if life was fair, if God was fair?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

So, life isn't fair. It'll be a struggle for me to get pregnant, that is, assuming I ever DO become pregnant. I wonder what it's like? I wonder if it's something that I'll ever get to experience?